I know this sounds really cheesy, but I absolutely LOVE being married to my wife.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how much I value what we have.
I value how easy it is for us to talk. I value the fact that we can laugh at some of the silliest stuff you could think of…stuff that would probably make you question our sanity. I value that we can be at each other’s throats one minute, and then snuggle up and watch an episode of Snapped the next. I value that we still like holding hands and smooching in front of everybody. I value that we call and text each other throughout the day…everyday…and we feel really weird when we don’t.
I’ve come to realize something else, too…whenever I hurt her, it kills me.
And I think I value that the most.
It’s occurred to me that the amount of pain I feel whenever I hurt my wife is a pretty accurate indicator of how deeply I care for her, and of how invested I am in our relationship. I understand the biblical and moral obligations of marriage, but I’m not motivated by obligation when it comes to her. I don’t go out of my way to avoid hurting her because I have to, but because I want to.
I think I’m beginning to feel this way about Jesus, too.
Any time I do Him wrong, it wrecks me now in a way that’s different from before. I used to wallow in guilt and shame over my sin, dreading the fact that I had violated His law in some way. But now it’s…different.
The conviction that I feel over my sin isn’t rooted in shame anymore, but rather in the realization that I’ve hurt someone dear to me…someone who has never wronged me, who has never even thought anything evil towards me, and who sacrificed His life for me, knowing ahead of time that I would betray Him time and time again.
It’s the subtle difference between legalism and holiness…between just obeying the law and actually living to please the law-giver.
And it’s something I don’t ever want to lose.